I am not a morning person. But I do have to, thanks to classes and the little dog, wake up quite early. I've put in place a series of little things to cheer me up because of this, so I thought, since some of you may not be morning people, that I would share. First, my morning cup of coffee. I prefer it done with a french press but it doesn't always happen, however the addition of my favourite mug helps elevate any cup of joe(by the by my mug is white with pink polka dots). This is my second secret weapon. During the winter my sensitive skin gets terribly dry, this is the only thing I've found that helps. It's very heavy and yeh, it's yellow, but it gives you a gorgeous glow and keeps your skin quenched all day. Just remember to let it soak in before you put on your makeup(you might want to enjoy your coffee while you wait). This is my final weapon against blustery winter mornings, grapefruit lotion. It makes me happy. It's cheerful and bright smell makes me grin even on the grossest winter morning.
Anyways, those are my weapons against morning(particularly winter mornings which are the toughest) what are yours?
Trusting people isn't easy. It's harder when they give you every reason not to trust them. In spite of this I give people the benefit of the doubt, not always to good ends. This is one of those occasions. Awhile ago I wrote about a certain someone who read my blog and relayed the information in it to my ex. I wasn't sure who it was, until now. I have discovered it is someone quite close to me, not emotionally so much as physically. I don't know why this person chose to do this, save for the fact that she dislikes me. But it is cruel and uncalled for, and now that I know I am taking every measure to remove this person from my life. As I've said before, my ex has substance abuse issues and the information that I was dating someone else was traumatic for him and his reaction was traumatic for me. As far as I'm concerned the actions taken by this reader, who also snooped uninvited through my computer to find this blog, were malicious and intentionally harmful to myself and others. To those of you who have been kind and supportive readers, I appreciate you even more now and I hope that your holidays are wonderful and that you're surrounded by people who you love and love you. As for that certain reader, rest assured that I know, and while I am not vindictive like you, I am not the type of person to take things laying down.
OK, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help me figure out what to wear for New Years Eve.
Here's the deal, my roommate and I are going to a bit of a crazy New Years night. My old boss is in a Guns and Roses cover band, don't laugh, which is actually pretty legit. They've been on Letterman and they're rated like the top in the country and the band is made up of musicians from Takka Takka and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. It's also just a crazy, loud, drunken night of debauchery. And since my past New Years have gone epic-ly bad I've decided that crazy is the better way to go.
What I need from you is to help me figure out what to wear...beginning with the above leggings. Please keep in mind that I have a limited budget, sooo either things that are cheap or could be found cheap. Feel free to use polyvore or whatever you like best and feel free to email me or comment. OK guys, get to it!
It is darn cold out!!! No wonder I'm seeing Russian inspired fashion everywhere. The above pic is from last year(maybe even older) but it's a timeless winter look. And with H&M putting out those glorious fur hats now everyone can rock the Russian look. I like this grunge take on it. Though for me I would prefer thicker tights, my poor little legs would get cold. This too is glorious. I love the moodier mink colored hat. Especially with the pretty blue of the dress. This is probably my fav look. I love the mix of patterns/textures and the gorgeous Fall colors.
I've got a girl crush. This, if you don't already know, is Willa Holland. She was in The OC at one point and though I don't watch it was apparently in Gossip Girl. I think she's fascinating. Obviously she's gorgeous, she's got lovely eyes and that fascinatingly full top lip. She's also go that pretty long, brown, shiny, straight hair. But what I really like is her high school bad girl appeal. Weird, I know. But this chick just seems fun, she seems like the kind of girl I would've wanted to hang out with in high school, also the kind of girl my mom would have said hell no you can't hang out with her to. Thus solidifying her appeal So maybe it's my inner high school rebel that loves this girl and her smudgy eye liner and penchant for cigarettes and compromising photographs but I just can't seem to get enough. Like I said, I've got a girl crush.
My roommate and I have this thing, we like to troll Craigslist searching for apartments for our completely unrealistic dream lives. One of my many dream lives is to be a poor but happy painter in Paris. It is a dream because it is a sad fact that I cannot paint, though my finger paintings are quite good.
Mostly what I want is the excuse to wander about drinking good coffee and wearing charmingly paint splattered clothes, smoking cigarettes without worry about the consequences and of course, lots of hats, scarves and maybe a delightfully scruffy painter boyfriend. This would be my charming studio and oh yeh, that's a working fireplace for those nights when the passion of painting becomes discussions of art and life while drinking red wine in front of a fire. Ah yes, that would be the dream.
Every once in awhile I do a post about how Modcloth is trying to torture me, this is one of those. I must admit, Modcloth is a touch out of a my price range. But I none the less drool over their wares like this awesome sweatshirt dress with the charming zipper touch. How cozy! This studded skirt would be perfection with a loose v-neck white t shirt, black tights and black booties. I can just see this dress with a pair of textured tights, some cute mary janes and maybe a velvet blazer. This has to be my favourite, they call it the art class dress. And it does look like just that. It would be perfect with leggings and little ballet flats and maybe a feathered headband. Ahhh this skirt is glorious, what wouldn't it go with? A loose shirt and a pair of heels, lovely, a tank and blazer with some boots, work ready, an untucked loose t shirt with some cons and it concert appropriate.
I swoon, the end.
I'm unsure of these, cause they look quite a bit like something Mrs. Claus would wear, but they're still kinda cute, what do you guys think?
I've been a blog slacker I know! Bare with me, I'm midway through finals and I'm holding on, but not by much. Things that have been cheering me up however are a visit from the aforementioned guy from NYC and a delightful snow storm Saturday night which allowed us to all curl up in the house with wine and Jenga. It's the simple things. Also, there is no reason for this pic, I just think it's awesome.
Normally I am the first to rant against couples getting tattoos for each other. But these two tickled my stone cold heart. First, I love these two, it's simple and ok, a bit tacky, but it's sweet. They both have "forever" tattooed on their sides. This one is also just too sweet. I think it's an engagement or wedding photo. Now like I said, don't go getting your man's name tattooed on your ring finger, but none the less, I think these are sweet.
Right Now I'm Listening To:
The Roughs of The Halsey Sisters in the studio!!!!!
I have a new goal, and no it's not being naked. Though that might be part of it. In the wake of my recent break up I have no qualms about admitting that my self confidence is a bit injured. I'm not saying I'm feeling down on myself, but I'm just not the perky, spunky, outgoing Ace that I usually am. In light of this I have decided to make a new goal for myself, and that goal is lingerie. I've heard it from cosmo, and the blogosphere and apparently french women swear by the confidence boosting powers of pretty unmentionables. Up until now I have scoffed at such a concept in favor of my cozy, comfy cotton panties. They are cute enough I said, be damned thongs I said, but I find I'm begining to change my mind. I mean, this chick ^ looks like she knows what she's talking about right? This goal is not without some work though. First and foremost it means relinguishing my less than flattering underbits in favor of frilly, lacey, girly bits. Though I'm not pleased about giving up some comfort I am excited at the thought of feeling pretty even under my uniform of jeans and t shirts.
Now before you run off and say the Kitty Bear Chronicles has gone from the single ladies edition to the slutty ladies edition, this is NOT about attracting some hot piece of man candy(last I checked that rippling midsection of Taylor Lautner is still jail bait). This is more about feeling sexy for myself. It's about remembering that even when I'm feeling a bit down that I am beautiful and that taking care of myself inside and out is important. So tell me(if you want) are you a lingerie kinda girl? Or are you the comfy to the core type? Know any good places for cheap, comfy(ish), sexy lacy bits? I know, I know, I may be asking too much.
I don't know about you, but I love holiday parties. I love finger foods, family and friends and festive dresses. But I always struggle with how to do my hair. I want it to look fancier than usual, but it can't take hours(dates flee at the thought of 3 hours worth of getting ready). I also like my hair, which is on the fine side and tends to fall victim to the dreaded static, to be off of my face and depending on the dress off my neck. Both of these styles look both chic and(I know I've tried) are pretty easy to achieve. All you need for the first is some second day hair and baby poweder, a big culring iron and some bobby pins. The second is a just a charmingly mess chignon. Either would look just delightful with a cute as a button party dress(maybe like this one).
Or here's some inspiration I cooked up for whether you're the glam goddess, the social butterfly or the rock star.
I don't know about you, but when I'm driving, I have a very strategically planned ensemble. It is planned for comfort, warmth, and to disguise the coffee I will inevitably spill on myself. I am just returning from a week at my parents place in upstate NY and that means putting together all my road trip essentials. Namely, an oversized sweater, comfy dark leggings, my awesome moccasin boots, a cute coat, a hat to keep my ears toasty and my staticy hair hidden and a big purse to throw all my crap into. I met my mom half way to see New Moon, yeh, I went with my mom. So I also brought along the new moon soundtrack and some sweet face shimmer(not this brand but this made me giggle). A road trip also wouldn't be complete without some Devendra and Avett Brothers and my fav chocolate covered pretzels. What are your road trip essentials?
I haven't done a Penny Saver in awhile. But with the holidays coming up I know we're all looking for ways to pinch our pennys(and I don't just mean at the Black Friday Sales). Now I know you all know I'm a coffee feind so let me introduce you to my little Penny Saver, Goya brand espresso. Some of you may scoff at the simple Goya brand, but I swear by it. I love their black beans for soups and beans and rice and their Sazon Goya is the perfect seasoning for just about everything and now I've discovered their coffee and lemme tell you I'm sold. At just $4 a can this is a bargain and its rich, delicious flavor is nothing to scoff at.
Got Penny Savers of your own???? I'd love to hear them and if you don't mind, share them.
I love the combos of gray and white and mint in this with black accents. The gorgeous long rocking horse charm is also just amazing. I'm currently coveting a circle scarf like that, I'm hoping to grab one(maybe on sale?) from American Eagle, they have some very charming crocheted ones. This is just too sweet. I love the summery dress with the cutsey knit hat and the ivy league professor style grandpa cardi and briefcase. The background is super sweet too. The loose, simple hair is the perfect touch.
Paranoia. Fear. When did I become this frightened person, this needy person? When did I start needing constant reassurance. I used to be so self assured. I used to be so confident. Now I find myself worrying. I worry about the new one, I worry about the old one, I worry about worrying at all. Why should I care? I shouldn't, so why do I?
Why do I question myself, why do I question? I worry I'm annoying, I'm so tired of feeling annoying, more worried about feeling unwanted. I feel unwanted. I never used to. I worry he doesn't want me, that now that I've crossed that threshold of wanting him that those feelings won't be returned. I've spent a year feeling unwanted, I've spent 6 months feeling unloved, I've spent three months feeling hated, worthless. My self esteem is shot. I find myself reading too deeply, looking for a clear sign.
My ex knows, about the new one, he says one of my readers told him. If that's the case, I'm hurt and I admit to feeling a bit betrayed. Which is odd given I don't actually know any of my readers. But I am not afraid, I will not hold back. The truth is he hurt me, he broke me down and made me doubt myself and everything I knew. I am just barely putting myself back together and I deserve to feel good, I deserve to feel wanted, and I deserve to want and care and feel ok with that.
So my dear reader, if you do in fact exist, thank you, for letting him know that I refuse to be trapped in a cycle of addiction, emotional abuse and pain. Regardless of any other person, people, what have you, I do know that I should be(even if it's hard) moving on from this. And I have to hope that in time my self assuredness will return and I can feel safe in caring about someone and being cared about.
As promised, this, my friends, is my tattoo. It was my second and I got it about 3 years ago when I moved to Boston. I got it the day before Christmas eve with my then boyfriend. It says "Fortune Favors the Bold" which is one of the english translations of the latin "Fortes fortuna adiuvat". It was originally written by Terence in the second century BC but is most often associated with Vigil's Aeneid and it is believed to invoke the goddess of luck. To me it was to signify my choice to leave the path I was on, my major, english, my new home, North Carolina, and pursue a new path, music in Boston. It was to remind myself to be bold in my choices and to not hold back when it comes to the things I want. Living in North Carolina, away from my family and my boyfriend, and losing my best friend was a really difficult experience and I felt in a lot of ways I could have just given up or felt sorry for myself, but I refused to allow the things that had been difficult in my life define me and the tattoo was my way of constantly reminding myself to chase my dreams, no matter how tough it was. Do you have tattoos? What do they mean to you? Or do they mean anything? I would love to know, even if it's just tattoos you've thought about or are thinking about getting.
After an awesome, but exhausting weekend recording I must now go take a second midterm for my awful music history class. How dreadful! Wish me luck, cause to be honest, with all of the music making, not a lot of studying was done. It's ironic that making music is taking a toll on my music major.
The Halsey Sisters began recording last night, hooray. I'll admit that I was astoundingly nervous, but it's getting better. Granted, I had to turn the studio lights off. But all went well and we've got one song almost done, we're hoping to get a second done today. The only problem? I'm starting to lose my voice, so yours truly will be chugging tea all day! Now we're off to go pick up our brand spankin' new ukelele and possibly a tambourine. Wish us luck!
Today it's pouring and this, minus the cute boots, umbrella and change purse, is what I'm wearing. My band gets in today and we start recording tomorrow so nothing can keep me down! Also, the aforementioned items which are not in my outfit are totally on my Christmas list. Have a great day everyone and if I don't get the chance to post have a great weekend. Wish me luck!!
I posted awhile back that one of the scariest parts of going through a breakup and being on your own for the first time is feeling something for someone new. It hasn't been long since my breakup, and I'm the type to second guess myself a lot, it's what I do. I wonder if it's too soon to feel something for someone, if perhaps I should be in some sort of relationship mourning, I wonder if he's the right person to feel something for. Is it rebound? Or perhaps am I rebound for him? I worry that I'm treating having a man around as a crutch, I tend to over analyze.
But my last trip to New York made me appreciate this certain someone and how much he respects me, cares about me and wants to be around me. It feels good to be wanted, and though I've resisted, I find myself wanting as well. I'm not saying I want to jump in head first, eyes closed and hope for the best. I am the portrait of emotional caution, of slow, timid movements towards anything beyond friendship. He would like more, he has been honest about that, and I respect that, but he also respects the fact that I am far from ready for anything more than casual and cautious.
I haven't invited him to Boston yet, it feels too intimate to bring him into my space, in the place that to be honest I hide from feelings and let myself be unashamed and hurt. He understands that hurt as well I know, having been through similar if not worse hurt himself. But bringing him into my place still feels too overwhelming. All the same though, it feels good to have a few timid butterflies in my belly.
It's no secret that I love Hole and idolize Courtney Love quite a bit, yeh, boob flashing and all I think she's swell. As a rebellious child I loved hole, they were tough and in your face and looked super freaking cool. Plus, my mom called them "noise" thus solidifying their appeal. I happen to think her style is pretty awesome, or was, these days it's a bit lack luster I know. But I loved those red lips, ripped tights and tarty babydoll dresses. She was the crowned queen of grunge. I can't deny the soft spot I still harbor for babydoll ditsy floral print dresses and the occasional clunky doc martin. Her rebel without a cause streak was also pretty enviable and the fact that she didn't seem to care what people thought made my youthful offenders heart convulse. It seems though that mama's little baby is following in her wild child footsteps, a good thing? I'm not so sure, but the girl looks pretty badass. I will admit to having a soft spot for alabaster skin, ebony locks and a ruby red mouth(I'm talking to you Dita). And this girl has all that going, and she's only 16! I suppose if you're the offspring of uber famous and yet more tragic grunge royalty you have no choice but to be pretty fierce.