Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Little Help?

What do these rooms have in common? I'm trying to decorate my new room(mommy comes in this weekend to help) and I love both of these rooms but from what I can see they have very little in common. Can you find anything? I'm trying to figure out what I find so appealing about the both of them and how I can translate them into my own room. Any ideas?

Monday, September 28, 2009

Music To My Ears

OK guys, I'm always telling you what I'm listening to, now it's your turn. In the wake of what is feeling more and more like my recent divorce I need some new music. Kelly Clarkson can only go so far. It doesn't have to be sad, sappy, slit your wrists in a corner music, just good music. Music it's ok to cry to, or laugh to, or dance to. Whatever. So what are your suggestions? Do you have an album or an artist that gets you through a breakup or tough times? Or just some really great music I just NEED to know about. Let me know!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Ink Love

"Beth Loster, 24, a San Francisco writer and waitress was a student at UC Berkeley when she met a young man who said, "Hey, we have tattoos in the same font."
The text of her tattoo - "clad in the panoply of love" - came from "Science & Health" by Mary Baker Eddy. His tattoo, also in a "typewriter" typeface, was in Latin. (She can't recall the translation.)
The text of Loster's next tattoo was written by that young man, who had become her boyfriend. Before leaving for South America, where he was going to study, he left a note on her refrigerator that began, "this is on account of my loving you forever." That phrase - in the form of a tattoo - offered her comfort when he was killed in a car accident in Brazil."

This story is so sad but so beautiful, I thought I would share it with you.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


When I was a kid I used to imagine that my bed could fly. Childhood wasn't always a happy time for me and my imagination was a place I could escape to. I was a perpetual day dreamer. I was an only child until I was 8 so my imagination was my favourite plaything and closest friend. Maybe that's why I've always liked fantasy novels and movies, because they were created by people like me. People who lived in their heads and created worlds in which there were heros, where good and evil was clear and there was something to be done about every problem.

I'm having one of those days, ok, I'm having one of those couple of days. The kind of days where I'm too much in my head but my head isn't a safe place with recognizable monsters and easy ways to fight them. I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around everything and how far it's gone. The first of October is days away, B hasn't been home since Sunday, I've written him, I've written his father and had no response. The first is around the corner but still his stuff remains here. Strewn about in disarray that taunts me and scratches at my wounds, reminding me of the mess that's left and the pieces that no longer make sense.

During the day I'm ok, when it's light out I can see alright and I'm stronger. But night comes and my apartment is cold and empty and I can't do simple things like lift the recycling and I miss him. But I berate myself for missing someone who's become so cruel and so unrecognizable as the person I knew. At night when it's dark and I'm alone I want crawl back into that childhood bed and get back to that place I created in my head. A place that was safe, where I was a hero and where the monster and the prince weren't one in the same.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Fear

I know he isn't someone I want to be with. But the person he showed me, the one I thought he was, I really miss that person.

I stumbled on some old pics of us from the beginning of the summer back when things were actually really good, when I was happy and we were fun, when I still thought marriage wasn't out of the question down the road. But now that person is gone, and I'm left wondering if he was ever really there or if I created it, or simply believed the false person he showed me. I know that no one who ever loved me could be as cruel as he has been. So I'm left wondering who this person was who I lived with and loved for so long and how I allowed myself to be with someone so false. It frightens me more than I care to admit that I was with him and that he is capable of such hurtfulness and from what I can understand without reason. Was he never the person I loved? Or did the end of our love create this monster that I'm living with? And if so, was that love ever good to begin with? He was my best friend, and now I don't even recognize him.

Well Meaning Chaos Revisited

Breaking up means getting a new room. I've decided that staying in the room I had shared with my ex would be a cruel sort of joke on my fragile psyche. So instead I'm switching it up entirely. I have a two bedroom apartment but as I have mentioned before there is a sitting/dining room in the front of the house that is almost never used. The truth is we never found a good use for it. However, it is by far the most lovely room in the house with big windows that over look my beloved park and it's also the biggest room in the house. This room shall be my room. I'm putting curtains on the doors still I can get actual doors and though it doesn't have a closet my loving mother has offered to come in and help me come up with a solution.
A new room of course means new decorating. This room is, more than any other room since my relationship started, my room. And I want it to reflect that. I want it to be a sanctuary and I want to feel like a queen in my room. This all got me thinking about the aforementioned topic of well meaning chaos. I think that's exactly what my new room needs. I want clusters of pictures that mean something to me, I want lots of soft, plush surfaces and piles of well worn books. My theme is of course going to be modern Moroccan with a bohemian tilt. I'm thinking spicy colors with splashes of turquoise, lots of soft fabrics like velvet and silk and a cozy little reading nook next to my desk. I'll keep you posted on the progress, cause I have to say I'm actually really really excited about this. I'm also really excited about having two new roommates to make the place home with. Have any of you gone through a tough breakup? How did you make your life/home feel like your own again? What did you do to help you cope and get better?

What I'm Listening To:

Annie and the Bee Keepers- Pirate Ship

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Ink Love: Light As A Feather

All this breakup nonsense has really got me thinking about my tattoos and which one to get next. I've decided to go home to my tattoo guy who has done my other two for the sake of familiarity and trust that I have for him. I was after all in his wedding. I still really want to get "Mad To Live" tattooed on my ribs, but I'm also really loving the five by five tattoo and what it means in the wake of this really tough but transformative time. In the mean time I'm satiating myself with pictures of gorgeous tattoos like all of the fine feathery lovelies. What do you think?
What a lovely tattoo, it's so intricate! While we're on the topic of birds I figured I would share a few feather tattoos as well. This one, with the small portrait is just gorgeous.
This is so cute, I wish I knew the story behind it. Perhaps she's a writer? It must have hurt something awful though.
A big feather on the side, it moves nicely with her body don't you think?
I love peacock feathers! A friend of mine has one of her ribs that is forever sticking out of her gorgeous maxi dresses. It always makes her seem like a mysterious exotic queen.

What I'm Listening To:

The Funeral- Band of Horses

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Have Comp, Will Blog...

That's right kids! Mommy and Daddy outdid themselves and surprised me with a beautiful brand new macbook. I am in love with her and have named her Kelly, as in Clarkson. We're just getting acquainted so I'm trying to take things slow, a movie here, a download there. But we're back in the blog world! Things will be a bit slow while I upload all my hundreds of files onto my new friend but I wanted to thank everyone for their support and welcome them to the new and improved Kitty Bear Chronicles: Single Ladies Edition.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Getting Through It

Hey guys, I'm still alive! Thanks again for all your comments. I should hopefully be getting a computer tomorrow but it may take me a few days to get things up and running. In the meantime I can't say that things with my ex have improved, but I can say that I'm still fighting. As mean as he can be I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm tough and I will be fine. I keep thinking about that five by five tattoo and I think I really want to get it. Just to remind myself that I'm a tough chick and that I will be fine. In the mean time I'm still drinking tea by the gallon, wrapped up in about 18,000 blankets and reading sappy books and watching sappy TV shows, but I think it's what I need. Inbetween that I've got lovely friends who come over to "do homework" and end up watching bad movies and eating chinese with me. I've also got a few potential roommates coming to look at the place this weekend, hurray! So wish me luck. And let me know what you'd be interested in seeing posts about when I return to the blog world full time. Again, thanks so much everyone!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Break Up

Hey guys, I'm back for now but since I still don't have a computer(sob!) my posts will be few and far between.  My life is feeling a lot like the above movie, and let me tell you, I was not a fan of that movie.  I always thought Vince Vaun was such a jerk in the movie that I couldn't stand it.  Compared to my ex however Vince is looking like a prince right now.  Breaking up is hard to do no matter what way you slice it, but I always feel that keeping a level of maturity, even if you're angry, is so important.  Especially when you live together.  

I have to admit, this break up is really crushing me.  In the end it wasn't even about any of the issues that had come up for us over the summer so much as his reaction to them.  I don't want to go into details because I don't want to be disrespectful but I will say that he has really gone out of his way to personally attack me and while I know he's upset it's frightening to know that someone I loved for so long could be so intentionally cruel to me.  

That said I have really been trying to take care of myself through all of this by cuddling with my animals, eating good, healthy meals, surrounding myself with good friends and keeping my mind on school and my new job.  And yes, I got a new job, it's actually my old job that I had to leave for my internship but it is none the less wonderful.  I'm a receptionist at a local hair salon, gossip, magazines and free hair cuts.  Everything a recently single girl needs.  I've also been watching a lot of my go to bad day shows/movies such as Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer the second season(those of you who know the show know why) and Twilight.  Go ahead and judge me, but they make me feel better.  I wanted to thank you all again for your sweet comments, they really do mean the world to me.  And if any of you are ever in town or in my part of town there is always a chilled bottle of wine in my new single ladies pad that's just waiting for some friends to help me drink it.

What I'm Listening To:
Gypsy Part of Town- Gogol Bordello

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A Bit Of A Break

Hello my lovely readers.  I've got some more sad news, sadly my boyfriend and I were not able to work out the issues that came up for us while I was in New York so for the next few weeks we will be doing the impossible task of separating stuff, crying it out and deciding who keeps the apartment.  As you can imagine, along with starting classes and work and having my sick puppy, I will be rather busy and exceedingly drained.  For these reasons I'm going to be taking a bit of a break from blogging till everything settles down.  I hope you guys won't forget me and in the mean time I would love any encouragement, kind words or advice you might have for me.  Until then...

What I'm Listening To:
The new Kelly Clarkson album, yeh, it's like that

Saturday, September 5, 2009

My Little Bear

So I am back home, with my darling little doggy and my both my kitties. Home is a bit insane, there is stuff everywhere but it's still home. There is one very sad downside though. I recently found out that my little dog has cancer. He's 15 and the truth is I should have been expecting his health to start to go but I don't think you're ever really ready for your precious little animal to be sick. Unfortunately there isn't anything that can be done for him so for the next few months he will be on a special diet(home cooked by mama) and steroids and we're just gonna spoil him silly. I hope everything is going well with you guys. My posts are going to be a bit few and far between while I get settled in. But hopefully once things settle down I will be able to get back to the blogosphere.