Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Fear

I know he isn't someone I want to be with. But the person he showed me, the one I thought he was, I really miss that person.

I stumbled on some old pics of us from the beginning of the summer back when things were actually really good, when I was happy and we were fun, when I still thought marriage wasn't out of the question down the road. But now that person is gone, and I'm left wondering if he was ever really there or if I created it, or simply believed the false person he showed me. I know that no one who ever loved me could be as cruel as he has been. So I'm left wondering who this person was who I lived with and loved for so long and how I allowed myself to be with someone so false. It frightens me more than I care to admit that I was with him and that he is capable of such hurtfulness and from what I can understand without reason. Was he never the person I loved? Or did the end of our love create this monster that I'm living with? And if so, was that love ever good to begin with? He was my best friend, and now I don't even recognize him.

1 comment:

  1. i am so, so sorry. breakups suck. keep writing; i hope it helps.