Sometimes, the most confusing thing is feeling something for someone new. I'll admit to running scared from those feelings because it feels too soon and I'm admittedly a bit gun shy. But also because the feelings on the other end of this are much too intense for my deer in the headlights, post relationship war zone, refugee self. I'm not ready for french movie romance with champagne and hand held trips to the museum. I'm still not ready to come out of my bomb shelter no matter how hard the world outside tries to beat in the door.
Needles to say my trip to New York was enlightening. It was not the same as the New York I left, but I don't think it ever will be or can be, and that's ok cause it still felt like home. New York feels right in my bones, it smells right, crisp like autumn. It was nice to go, though I admit to feeling a bit out of place. However it was awesome to see old friends, reconnect with some, get to know others better. My old stomping grounds in the East Village were still there, favourite pizza spot, favourite coffee shop, as was my beloved Little Poland. But it was also different, or maybe I am. New York is a big world, and it expects a lot of me. I'm ready for the challenge of New York. But letting go of my past relationship and even dipping my toe in the waters of a new one seems much too soon.
We all need time to lick our wounds and and pick ourselves up after we fall down. After my last relationship I didn't give myself the time to do that, this time I need to make sure I'm ok before taking on anything else or anyone else. So for the time being I think I'll leave the french romance at a safe distance, at least as far as my TV, or New York City.