Saturday, February 20, 2010

On Dating

This photo is gratuitous, I just think they were the cutest couple ever and I've been watching a lot of old episodes of The OC. Dating is something that's new to me. As I've said before I dated my ex J for two years starting while I was still in high school. Then I dated B pretty much immediately after that, again for two years. For the first time in over four years I am dating, a lot. Now before you go calling me a hussy I am not saying that I'm out in my leopard print scoring unsuspecting dudes at a bar. But none the less I'm dating. I can't lie, I'm a bit out of practice. It's hard to go from being so much a part of an "us" to being a ME and inviting other people to come play on my playground.

I'm a bit protective of this playground, I guess I'm not a great sharer. It turns out these days words like relationship, settle down or love are pretty much a sure fire way to get me to run in the other direction. I told you before that there was a certain someone in NYC, and not that that person is entirely removed from my life but it got a little too serious for me to feel comfortable. He wants more from me than I'm willing to give.

I had a discussion with a good friend I haven't seen in awhile last night and we were discussing relationships, living together and being vs. not being a part of that infamous "us". She is at the point in her relationship (with a very lovely mustached long haired gentleman I might add) where they are discussing moving in together. She is hesitant, as was I, ok, I had to be dragged kicking and screaming, but that's another story. She is a charmingly spunky and independent girl who is very focused on her burgeoning career and she is hesitant to give in to the "us" because she worries that she will have to compromise.

As you well know, it is this compromise, and both B and I being unwilling to do so that, among other things brought about the end of my own relationship. Now, far be it from me to dissuade someone from moving in with their hunnie just cause it didn't work for me. But it got me thinking, I too am unwilling to give up any me for a we. I'm simply unwilling at this point to compromise my own life and decisions to involve someone else. And for the time being I'm ok with that. Not all my would be suiters are ok with this, but for me my independence is very important right now. I'm defining myself outside of a relationship, outside of school or work or location, I am at a point of reckoning and it's time for me to figure out who Me really is. And until I do that, I'm dating, not loving, not letting go or letting in. There's a lot more in life than being part of an "us".


  1. I think that it's so awesome that you recognize that in yourself now, Ace! I felt the same way as I worked my way through college (I'm now 5 years out- ack!). It's hard not to feel the pressure to give in to someone you really care for, but staying true to what you know you NEED is better for you and the other person in the long run.
    Happy Dating ;)
    ps- I still wear cowboy/girl boots! I know they aren't exactly trendy at the moment, but I love the shape of them (pointy toe without the crazy high heel). Wear them on your dates ;)

  2. People go a long time without that realization. *hug* And I think that knowing that being a strong "you" makes a better "us" in the future is incredible. xo

  3. Kempt, thank you so much. It's taking a lot of self training to get me from running back into a relationship. I know that that's easy for me and I feel safe doing that, but I'm better off on my own for now. Thanks for the encouragement!