Ahhh moving on. It comes to us all at some point. Remember the ex I told you about? Well, last week after not talking for over 3 months he texted me. And texted me a picture of us no less. Then proceeded to tell me we still couldn't talk. I know, I'm confused too. Well, talk anyways we did. I spilled my guts to him, apologized for wrongs I had done in our relationship and was really and truly honest because I still cared about him. Well, he was less forthcoming. Truth is he was rather cruel, as if he took pleasure in trying to tear me down. I had felt for awhile like things between me and him had been left unfinished and I think now I know why. I made some mistakes in our relationship, but so did he and I didn't deserve to be crucified for my transgressions while he justified his own. I finally saw him for what he is or maybe has become. He is angry and unforgiving and he wanted me to hurt because I had hurt him. He flip flopped between telling me he missed me and loved me and that I was a terrible person and a selfish child. It made me realize what I had been missing for a long time, the fact that he had changed, and so have I. So after a long and drawn out talk/fight we finally and truly ended it. Which is something I don't think we ever really did 2 years ago. It was something that I needed in order to truly move on.
At the end of it all I ended up telling him I was sorry for the way things worked out but that it's better that we remember how good things were then try and get back something that isn't there. And that I knew he didn't love me anymore, and that was ok and that I hoped he would be happy because I knew I would be. In the end friends, we all have to move on because eventually everything will be illuminated. That's all for my epiphanies today. Thanks for listening!
What I'm Listening To:
Full Moon- The Black Ghosts
wow closure two years later...a long time coming but good to have nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteYeh, we had stayed friends and it was a really big, intense relationship that I don't think either one of us ever fully let go of. I think we walked around for two years acting like friends all the while believing that somehow it was still just going to fall into place and work out someday. I guess we just finally had to make a choice.
ReplyDeleteSo well put! I must say, you sound impressively mature. Ending relationships (especially long or long-drawn out ones) is so hard. Well done you!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, honestly, I can say I have had some very not mature moments in this relationship as well as a few far too mature moments. We met when I was 18 and he was 25 and we became serious very quickly. Both of us, as well as our families and friends believed we would get married. It was rather jarring when the future that seemed so certain didn't come to pass.
ReplyDeleteIt's not to say that I don't get sad sometimes, I do, in fact tomorrow is his birthday and for the first time in 5 years I won't be saying happy birthday to him and that does make me sad. But, I don't think that we were benefiting each others lives in any way. We were just hoping. And not to say I don't have hope, because you never know the way the world will work, but I'm not going to continue fighting for something neither of us is sure we want.